So, Whats the #Tea / Gossip / Mucene?
Whether you call it gossip, ‘tea’, mucene or ‘deep bonding moments’. It is clear to most that the bond between women begins with deep conversation, emotions and trust. The intensity of female relationships from sisters, friends, mothers and daughters is almost unbreakable. However, the sharp edge of these relationships can be JUST if not more intense.
Breaking the ‘GIRL CODE?’
Deborah Tannen a sociolinguist, dived deep into women’s friendships and found that from a young age, little girls spend more time sitting and talking more than their male counterparts. It is learned behaviour that telling your best friend everything creates an emotional bond. Tannen also found that the role of secrets in friendships has a lot to do with why girl groups (or women) are often so cliquey. The negotiation and decision of who knows what and when they know it often creates tension and breaks down female relationships.
Unfortunately, the little girls that talk just to talk become grown women who must use discernment to balance what to share for knowledge and what to keep to themselves. We are all guilty of sharing information we shouldn’t, with a little extra salt, pepper and SPICE!
The sweet comfort of knowing someone else knows, understands and shares your worries is a beautiful thing. This is how as women we are able to get through some of our hardest times, by confiding in a fellow woman. As with most relationships that need up-keep, the breakdown lies in communication or lack thereof. We must also look within ourselves and why we WANT to know another’s deepest and darkest secrets and stories. Do we care or has curiosity gotten the best of us. The temptation to share unsolicited information that you were entrusted is often the beginning of a bad friendship and the ending of another.
Learned behaviour is what we teach our children and the generations that follow. So, what are we teaching our girls of what healthy female relationships really look like? As mothers, sisters, aunties and friends are we aware of the conversations we are having in front of our little girls? Are you uplifting or putting another woman down in their presence? The energy that is used putting another sister down is cyclical with the energy you receive. Just as a phone tower or remote, if you emit something it will come right back. So CHOOSE to kind, considerate and make your own GIRL-CODE of empowerment.
Ladies, let me know what your thoughts are on gossiping/ mucene/ #Tea? Are you guilty of it and what can be done to minimise it within our communities?
By Comfort Botha